Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
