Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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