i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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