I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
