we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize