dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
