Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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