My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
