I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
