I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
