Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
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Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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