I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
