was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
