i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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