Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
