Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize