Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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