I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
