The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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