nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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