she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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