You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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