Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize