One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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