she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
