So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
