i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
