Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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