I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
