So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
