dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
