My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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