well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
