8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
