i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's rum buckets o'clock
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
