I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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