So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
