i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize