that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
