If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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