The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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