There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
