she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
