Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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