I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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