I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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