Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
