Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
