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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

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• (661): View more from California

  I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need a shit load of segways right now

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.

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• (707): View more from California

  I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.

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• (760): View more from California

  I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.

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