I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my poor anus
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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