So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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