I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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