are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
