I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
