apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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