Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
