I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
