she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Terrible idea I love it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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