I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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