very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
