Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
