3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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