I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
