I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
