When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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