So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
