Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
