He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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