Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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