I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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