As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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