I need to stop coming to work sober
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
