dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
