The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
are you so shy because you have an std?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
